I remember when it started, innocent and young. I recall upon that first kiss, it was like magic, of course only in my head. The world around us was the busy city queens can be but we were paused in that fragment of time. It was awesome each innocent kiss , every time I held your sweaty palm, when you would try to take your hand away and I would squeeze tight so you wouldn’t let go. Getting to wake up and prepare for school with the thought of the one person I wanted to see the most, him. It felt like I was in a sitcom; I had my boyfriend, my crew of girls and of course the high school drama. Amidst it all you were all that mattered, making sure I didn’t hurt your feelings, making sure you were always happy, happy withh me. When you would take me out to the movies on 82nd cause it was only five dollars a seat as opposed to going to Kaufman in Astoria for 11. When we would walk up and down the seven line, well when I made you anyways. You loved how outgoing I was, how many places I wanted to see and how far I would go to get there. I loved how you followed me not like a dog but you explored with me, you learned with me, you grew with me. I remember when we got a little older and we had house parties to attend and liquor to drink. I laugh at the night I first spent at your house, my nervousness and excitement all curled inside me. When we would stumble into your house at two in the morning, drunken teenagers and make love on your couch. When we would get caught and when we almost got caught. When we would wake up and you would take me to the train or even better the days you paid for my cab. Once I would get home I was in a state of nirvana, sheer bliss. I loved all of that and you made that possible for me. I never embraced that time the way I should have, I never kept that promise to myself and you by holding on to that youthful bliss.
We let years pass us by and we fell victim of the daily routine. We forgot about each other, about ourselves. Our heads wrapped in making a dollar for the sake of survival. At the base point of our lives, we lost ourselves. There’s such an intensive worry about the future that it separates you from your current self. It restricts you and it’s as viewing life threw a kaleidoscope. In our youth we had no worries, we didn’t have bills, and we didn’t have responsibilities. How could you give yourself fully to someone when you’re not fully there yourself? There is a load of stressed put on my age group even worse with the economy were always looking for the right career, the right job, the perfect path and its impossible. I wish I could have just slowed down and appreciated all those little times. Although I always say it I seldom practice it. But I guess its too late now.